An Excuse To Get Hurt
by fate repeated
Summary: JadeDist. Yaoi. In Dist's POV. Rated M for content, some language and violence. Some OOC. It's Jade and Dist. Come ON, guys. Incomplete.


_This piece was originally written on October 22nd, 2006. I haven't beta'd it due to its incompleteness so pardon any errors. This was originally written with the Japanese names so if you see "Sapphire" instead of "Saphir," then you have my apologies. I originally planned on it being a longer fic and thusly it's still incomplete. However I decided I'd post it here to see what type of feedback I'd get. Judging from the feedback I'll see if I'll ever finish it. This is the sole reason for me posting it ... well, besides the more obvious one being for other Jade/Dist fans' enjoyment._

_An Excuse to Get Hurt_

There are footsteps resounding through the hallways similar to the flow of a waterfall. It's Luke and his entourage of idiocy again. Why they bother to even show is beyond me, but that is not what I am interested in. What I am interested in is Jade.

I wonder why Jade chooses to side with them. Is it because he gave up on us? Did he think he could abandon the past and carve his way towards a new future so readily? I am not on Mohs' side because I choose to be… I only believe that I can fix the past the correct way, my way. I do not believe that Jade's real motives can be deciphered so easily though. I am no fool.

He is speaking now, his voice steady and precise, articulating every word. This is the Jade that I remember, the Jade from my childhood. His eyes rest upon my sleeping form but I am unaware. I mumble something incoherently amidst my slumber, unaware of the horrible reality of eavesdroppers.

There is a commotion, and I can barely hear them as I slowly regain my consciousness. Jade is still in the room, but it seems he is alone now. With caution I look at Jade and weakly smile as if I'm smiling at a lion about to bare its fangs at me.

"Tell me where the fon stone is."

My only response is glancing up at him as my sleep-fogged mind unable to respond fast enough. This is unfortunate because I notice Jade seems to be a little less calm than usual at the moment.

"I won't repeat myself again, Dist." I can sense some anxiety in his voice, for whatever purpose is unclear. I focus on what my ears feed me.

"I am not telling you, Jade. Why, you do know that I was waiting for you FOREVER and this is what you come to ask of me?" Dist made an indignant snort, narrowing his eyes.

"Do not make me hurt you." Although Jade's lips moved, his message was clear: Hurting you is no problem for me.

"But of course… why would I want to anger you, _Necromancer_?" A smirk crosses my face as I tease him with the famous moniker I know he so very well despises.

"Dist, I honestly do not care about what you have to say. Just tell me where you hid the damn stone." By the sound of Jade's voice I could tell that his patience was wearing thin.

Drawing closer to the bedside, Jade's red eyes shone brightly as if he was a malevolent creature of the night. The thought of a demon spirit vaguely crosses my mind. I do not bother to respond to him because I know his way… I know what is going to do. I involuntarily shudder as another thought passes by in my mind. There are many different ways Jade could get answers out of me. I quickly shove the thoughts away almost as soon as I think it.

Jade draws closer and begins to press against me, as for I am still lying haphazardly on the bed from my rest. My hair is disheveled from sleep and I do not have my glasses at the moment. Before I slept I left them on the dresser but I can not retrieve them for it is a lost cause now. I began to panic, like a prey being cornered by a predator. My thought pattern becomes erratic as the antagonizing, close proximity makes me feel uneasy. An uncomfortable and somewhat needing feeling fills me. I lock eyes with Jade, not daring to make a move; I stare at him and he stares back. His gaze is filled with undeniable malice and unforgiving emotion.

The other raises both hands and lays them on my neck. Jade's hands are surprisingly warm to the touch in such a cold place as Ketelburk. I almost resist the urge to draw closer to them because of this. As I expected though, his hands are tightening their hold. I reflexively try to gasp for air but it is useless.

"Tell me where you hid it."

I clung to my dignity and pride like it was my lifeline. If this was a game of battleship, I would most likely go down with my sinking ship. I can feel my face heat up, and my starved lungs gasping for air. I close my eyes now, unable to bare the pain. I squirm underneath the larger and heavier body, trying to get away but the lack of oxygen is effecting me and I feel faint.

"_Saphir_. Tell me." Jade's voice was different. Was he pleading with me now? My eyes snap open and I see someone very different in front of me, but he was still choking me.

I actually find it funny that he asks me to explain myself when he is the one holding me back. "I can't…breathe…" My voice is rough and my throat is raw from the pressure. He notices this and lets go of my neck, but in turn grabs my wrists in order to keep me from escaping. I expected this much.

"No!!!" Of course, my words get me into trouble as I see his hand raise and smack me across the face hard enough to have the wind knocked out of me momentarily. I grin and bare it though, for deep down inside a little part of me is actually enjoying the attention.

I reflect that Jade and I have grown so distant in recent years. So I am glad he is here, right now, with me. Desperation and fear fill me, wishing to receive _any_ kind of attention from him, be it harmful or not. I uselessly squirm some more, still testing to see if Jade will relent to my struggling.

"If that is how you will be, so be it." Jade switched both wrists into one hand while the other reached lower. It snakes past my chest, flutters by my stomach and ends up where I feared it would. Jade violently grasps my groin, and I elicit a strangled moan from the back of my throat. A shudder that starts from my spine electrifies my whole being and I am more alert than ever now. I did not expect him to do that. Not at all.

A heat rises up into my cheeks and I start to feel light headed. I am not so much as embarrassed as I am aroused now. It seems to me that he knows I like this attention. Jade was always one to pin-point the underlying, after all. He is completely aware that I harbor affection for him and thusly knows I will most likely comply with him if he does this. Our relationship is twisted and very much so fueled on hatred.

I moan when Jade begins a frenzy of bites upon my neck, leaving little marks. It is difficult to grasp my surroundings now and even more difficult to ignore the heightening feeling of arousal. I try to close my legs, to get his damn hand away from me. I feel momentarily bad about what is going on. I do not want to feel this way when he is just using me. I wish it all away. It never came true.

Jade presses his knee between my legs, separating them again. I let out a small gasp when he starts to lick down my neck. I vaguely notice he is pulling on my suit, trying to get it off me. I do not respond to it though, for fear of him stopping this wonderful engagement or from fear of choking me again. I find his actions a little odd so I try to voice my worry albeit very shaky and nervous.

"J-jade… we… are we…" I never get to finish this sentence because a tongue is roughly shoved into my throat.

I have never felt his way before, have never been violated like this. In the past there have been occasional comments between both Jade and Peony against me and my sexual orientations, but neither of them actually taken it upon to act it out.

I am suddenly thrown in a foreign land, a land of confusion and panic. I do not like to be toyed with, even if it is from my beloved Jade. My face scrunches up in a look of broken disbelief and my heartbeat flutters. I feel regret and I feel worry gnawing at me. I do not want this to happen, not when Jade doesn't mean it. My vision starts to blur from the tears welling up.

It is too late for that now because Jade is already forcefully pulling off my suit and I notice my tie and collar have been torn off at some early time. I frown at the shredded petals on the floor.

"Saphir. You need to wear fewer layers," Jade hissed into my ear. I shivered from the warmth of his breath. I begin to notice that he is being affected from these activities, too. _So the fucking bastard is enjoying this? _I crossly think.

I am confused at his statement. Why would Jade find something as petty as my clothes to be relevant to this? And if it is me, well, I am less of significance in his life than a mosquito bite. This is the kind of mentality that makes my self-esteem take a beating.

I feel oddly giddy. I begin to laugh hysterically and Jade just calmly stares in return. His eyes do not betray him; he keeps his emotions well guarded. I have no clue what he is contemplating.

I return to the gaze of Jade's magnificently enticing eyes. Perhaps they are actually pools of blood, blood of all the innocent people he has killed throughout the years. Jade's eyes bring back memories of the younger years of our childhood together. I am caught reminiscing in the past, but a sudden noise wakes me back to reality.

"I want you." Jade's voice is not the usual deep, sardonic tone but now just above a whisper. I notice that he is panting, his hair has become disheveled and a small pink blush crept across his cheeks. I have never seen him this way before. I barely hear him above the rustle of clothes as the last is discarded.

I twitch in response. There are no words to describe this feeling. I am confused but I am content, I am scared but I am enthralled. This is not what I expected at all. In the privacy of this room, Jade has somehow found a way to shock me into oblivion. I know he is just toying with me. I know it.

I just lay there, underneath his warm body, blinking hard. I am not sure that this is reality anymore. I must have dozed off again…yes, that's it. But the tight grasp on my now bare arm and the sound of his grunting is as real as it gets. I close my eyes and sigh shakily. I should be happy that Jade has professed such a thing to me. Yet I am troubled by this greatly. I wish there was a simple solution to this.

Jade presses himself down upon my body, demonstrating exactly what he meant. The pressure is almost too much to bear. I notice that our pants are still on, but I am too nervous to start removing them. I glance questioningly at him and he seems to understand. Jade's hands travel to my pants and undo the belt. My breathing starts to become uneven again. I am not ready for this. I look away, unable to face him.

"Saphir, my dear Saphir. Why are you like this?" Jade carefully articulates his words. His voice almost seems caring but I know that is just lies. I do not bother to look at him still.

"You're beautiful."

I am floored by his sudden change in attitude. I can not believe he is saying such things. I steal a look at him and notice that he is not smirking, not grinning. He is just staring back at me. Just a couple hours ago, he was planning to kill me and now he is praising me? I am utterly confused. My insecurities are trampling over my ability to feel genuinely happy.

"I…I don't want any of this!! I am through with you, Jade. You left me. We are no longer friends," I clamored resolutely. However, Jade knew he struck a nerve.


End file.
